being a guinea pig has its' perks.

i was beginning to think my face was gonna look like this forever.





fresh face. never been more grateful for a peeling face. all is well that ends well. x

they'll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new.

wow, it has been too long. i am loving the sound of my fingers typing out these thoughts. i feel like so much has happened AND hasn’t happened since being back stateside. it has now been almost 6 months since i have returned. 6 months is enough to make it no longer feel recent, but yet still enough to merit “not terribly too long ago”... it seems like a distant dream that i was even in australia. i kind of hate that. i kind of hate the fact that i am forgetting little things about australia everyday. i go on about daily life and fail to remember such a life changing season...

it is funny how things become familiar again so quickly. how conversations formerly started with excited, “TELL ME ALL ABOUT AUSTRALIA!” turn into quick hellos and goodbyes. selfishly, i think- “wait, there is so much more to talk about!” but, snap back to the reality of my situation, recognizing it has been half a year gone...and everyone has carried on with their lives. there is no one ringing my skype regularly to hear about my amazing adventures or blowing up my message box on facebook anticipating the next update...alas, the world spins madly on.
i get so excited when i hear and see my friends getting amazing opportunities/living out these dreams that God has created them for/and everything just seems to fall exactly into place for them... and at the same time i am jealous. i hate that jealousy is my first reaction more often than not. i am reminded of the massively unexpected ER trip I had to make a mere two days I got back to tulsa...and the disappointing news that came after...and then the struggle of finding a job...and then the reality that tulsa isn’t just a place to “visit” anymore it is where i am “all in” for now...and i so often am getting wrapped up in watching others’ lives and find myself asking, “what am I not doing right?”

the truth is i feel like i left australia with so many unanswered questions, with so many burdens, with so many emotions. when i got on that plane, i wasn’t even sure i wanted to sing at all anymore. like everything i had ever wanted to say had already been said better than me. i felt broken and whole all at the same time. i felt like my heart was weeping and celebrating simultaneously. like this year of slipping through the cracks was finally over, but funny enough, sad it was over. in the past six months i have been so so so overwhelmed by how much Jesus loves me...and it settles my heart’s doubtful tendencies once more. i have been overwhelmed by the way God has loved me through my brokenness. how he has been so patient and true. so loving and faithful. giving me space. giving me all the time in the world to think through all of the past years’ events. such a perfect love. and in the midst of all my timidity, sweetly urging me to risk and try again...and again...a little bit more each day. a little bit more heart here and there. i am made of different stuff than when i started this journey. so as these doubts creep in sometimes of “what am I not doing right?” i will choose to look to the cross and watch how everything falls into place for the story God is writing in me. i will choose to do what God has given my hands to do in this season. nothing more and nothing less..
 
Isaiah 61: 1- 5

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
   heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
   pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
   a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
   and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
   give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
   a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
   planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
   raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
   take the rubble left behind and make it new.




Be encouraged. Jesus loves you a lot.

Number 7

Sorry folks, it has taken a bit longer than expected to post my favourite things... but, I would like to finish it up sometime this year... :)

Number 7//




I love how the four of us know each other. It is 100% God. Blythe met Steph at Passion Conference randomly, Blythe knew Bollom from New Life Ranch, Blythe knew me from OSU...and then Blythe was kind enough to let me in on the friendship of her Aussie friends... I am grateful. We all got to hang out in Australia...and it was the best day.

number 9 and 8

NUMBER NINE//

these really cheap fake glasses at a discount market...



NUMBER 8// CHRISTMAS IN THE SUMMER!!! SO FUN. went to my favourite place on earth [the beach] with friends, and had an amazing time during the holidays. There were only a handful of us that stayed over the holidays as most people went home to be with their families. So, the group that stayed got pretty close. We went to the beach Christmas day. BUCKET LIST CHECK! And, it was just beautiful weather. My friend Nastassia and I made french toast for breakfast and smoothies... nothing like the amazing breakfast I am used to at home : ) We both decided to push through the disappointment that we couldn't be home, and went with it. And ended up having a ball. Who couldn't have fun at the beach?

my 10 most favourite moments in Australia. [in no particular order] : )

NUMBER 10...
Finding myself where I was at, at Manly beach.
I had recently arrived to Australia about a month earlier and was having a real homesick moment. I remember thinking when I got to the area that I would be staying in all year, “I didn’t sign up for this.” It was no where near the beach like I had anticipated. Sydney was a much bigger place than I had pictured in my mind... I decided to head off to Manly Beach to explore, and while my first choice is definitely to not be alone, I decided to venture off. I found myself boarding the bus, train and ferry by myself with only a backpack of belongings. I was literally pretty full of fear. So, I get to Manly beach and don’t know what to do. I have a semi freak out moment like, “what did I actually just do and why am I at this beach alone?” It was starting to get dark... so I made the decision to stay over night [because I hadn’t even seen the beach.] I was praying that God would kind of take me on an adventure, so when I walked up to a hotel right off the beach I figured it was all full for the night. But no, there was one room available for one person. I took it. I enjoyed a slice of pizza for dinner and then sat in my hotel room and prayed, and just let God love me, it was just me and God and I was writing in my journal and singing...and wow what a special night of God just speaking into my heart...Every unmet expectation that I had experienced over the past month, every unplanned moment, every planned moment, the good and the bad...

Such a monumental moment for me in Australia. I was finally able to get away and be in the quiet and I don’t think I’ve ever been quite the same since that moment. A very real moment of God saying, “I see you, I brought you here, I know you...I won’t leave you.”

Yeah.

even if to just write upon my heart; i know that you've come now.

Dearest Blog Readers,

well, it has been a whole entire year since I left for Australia.
what a full year it has been. Sometimes not even enough time in the day to get everything done... so, blogging has taken a back seat. Apologies.

so many things are different in me. in all the best ways possible.

I really believe that LIFE is only getting better from here.
so excited to see what is next on this journey of life.

I have learned such a valuable lesson of living life with no regrets.
I don't have to rush life, it just happens. God is never late...
I have learned the importance of being intentional, passionate, planning things out [massive step for me], goals, practicing, and spending time in the Word of God... it really is the only way we are going to make it out alive.
I used to get bogged down about what i should be doing, and not what i was actually doing...but, my focus has slowly shifted to just being satisfied with what my hands are doing in every season.


God isn't as interested about my comfort as much as he is interested in my character...

I still have these massive dreams that I can't seem to shake, but my conviction for the seasons and journey of my life is greater. God is building a home, a place that He is quite comfortable in... and there is still a world that needs to hear about WORSHIP and JUSTICE.

So I'm not done.
[Even though I have wanted to quit life more this year than ever in my life.]
God's not done.

As for the next season...

Not quite sure.
Exciting days ahead.

Thank you so much for all the prayers you have prayed over me this year. I took this massive faith step coming to a different country...and have felt supported every step of the way. I am so grateful for my family and friends who have had such an amazing impact on my life. I am forever indebted. At the end of the day everyone needs someone to believe in them... and I am so blessed to have people that believe in me. Please be praying for the next steps I need to make. And that the resources to make these decisions would be made known...

xoxo with my WHOLE heart,

Amanda Blackwell

it's your blood. that has claimed me.

a blog about some random thoughts on Easter 2011.

I am trying to remember exactly where I was this last week, last year... and where I am this year and where I was last year are a world apart [literally and metaphorically]... in every sense of the meaning of that phrase. my life is different.

Fighting back tears tonight while writing this in my beloved journal...and how different things look through these eyes these days.

There has been a massive shift take place.

I am just so astounded the God of the Universe made humans to be His best friend...and everything changed with a simple bite of free-will fruit. And ever since that moment in history there has been a great pursuit, starting through a chosen generation of [Israel], to right this wrong. For humans and God to dwell again together in right relationship. The Old Testament, historically a bit daunting and vague, actually declares that story of pursuit. The law was written so that God could once again dwell with people. He asked people to build a tabernacle in a desert so that God's presence could stay with them there... Ah, so poetic, so beautifully perfect, so full of symbolism and... grace. And the story goes on with testimony after testimony of provision and faithfulness. And then the New Testament came along and everything changed. God so loved the WORLD that He wanted to deal with this sin issue once and for all and instead of building another tabernacle for Himself to dwell in, He sent Himself in human form to dwell among people. He chose to come down onto the Earth.

Love: Personified. Jesus.

And so Jesus comes and teaches a new law. Not the law once valid in the desert, but a new law. The old was gone and the new had come. And Jesus was the new law, He was the new way to get to the Father. And just like blood sacrifices were the only proper atonement for sins in the desert [old testament], blood was the only proper atonement for sins on the cross [new testament]. But, it wasn't thought that everyone should perish, but have everlasting life...so LOVE took our place. Because God longed for a relationship with His people to be restored. My mind cannot comprehend it. I cannot hold it in, I am bursting... His blood and His body broken. The covenant redeemed between Christ by death on a cross. ONCE. AND. FOR. ALL.

And if Jesus had never rose again, we would have no hope of the Holy Spirit to DWELL in our hearts...To be in relationship with us.

The gospel effects everyone. The Bible is not some ordinary book- it has withstood the test of time, where other doctrines fail...it stays true. Jesus has withstood the test of time. People are still talking about Him today. I don't know many other people as old as Him that people are still talking about..

I want so badly to just sit and tell the ways that Jesus has been good to me. But, none compare with the act of love that was shown on the cross...And my only right response to this, is to ask [whoever may be reading this]... do you believe it for yourself this Easter 2011?

it's your blood. that has saved me.
it's your blood. that has claimed me.

Easter 2010: I believed that for myself.

Easter 2011...
I cannot contain it.
I cannot keep quiet anymore.
It isn't enough for me to believe.
Let the gospel advance.

JESUS.
IS.
ALIVE.