being a guinea pig has its' perks.

i was beginning to think my face was gonna look like this forever.





fresh face. never been more grateful for a peeling face. all is well that ends well. x

they'll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new.

wow, it has been too long. i am loving the sound of my fingers typing out these thoughts. i feel like so much has happened AND hasn’t happened since being back stateside. it has now been almost 6 months since i have returned. 6 months is enough to make it no longer feel recent, but yet still enough to merit “not terribly too long ago”... it seems like a distant dream that i was even in australia. i kind of hate that. i kind of hate the fact that i am forgetting little things about australia everyday. i go on about daily life and fail to remember such a life changing season...

it is funny how things become familiar again so quickly. how conversations formerly started with excited, “TELL ME ALL ABOUT AUSTRALIA!” turn into quick hellos and goodbyes. selfishly, i think- “wait, there is so much more to talk about!” but, snap back to the reality of my situation, recognizing it has been half a year gone...and everyone has carried on with their lives. there is no one ringing my skype regularly to hear about my amazing adventures or blowing up my message box on facebook anticipating the next update...alas, the world spins madly on.
i get so excited when i hear and see my friends getting amazing opportunities/living out these dreams that God has created them for/and everything just seems to fall exactly into place for them... and at the same time i am jealous. i hate that jealousy is my first reaction more often than not. i am reminded of the massively unexpected ER trip I had to make a mere two days I got back to tulsa...and the disappointing news that came after...and then the struggle of finding a job...and then the reality that tulsa isn’t just a place to “visit” anymore it is where i am “all in” for now...and i so often am getting wrapped up in watching others’ lives and find myself asking, “what am I not doing right?”

the truth is i feel like i left australia with so many unanswered questions, with so many burdens, with so many emotions. when i got on that plane, i wasn’t even sure i wanted to sing at all anymore. like everything i had ever wanted to say had already been said better than me. i felt broken and whole all at the same time. i felt like my heart was weeping and celebrating simultaneously. like this year of slipping through the cracks was finally over, but funny enough, sad it was over. in the past six months i have been so so so overwhelmed by how much Jesus loves me...and it settles my heart’s doubtful tendencies once more. i have been overwhelmed by the way God has loved me through my brokenness. how he has been so patient and true. so loving and faithful. giving me space. giving me all the time in the world to think through all of the past years’ events. such a perfect love. and in the midst of all my timidity, sweetly urging me to risk and try again...and again...a little bit more each day. a little bit more heart here and there. i am made of different stuff than when i started this journey. so as these doubts creep in sometimes of “what am I not doing right?” i will choose to look to the cross and watch how everything falls into place for the story God is writing in me. i will choose to do what God has given my hands to do in this season. nothing more and nothing less..
 
Isaiah 61: 1- 5

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
   heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
   pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
   a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
   and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
   give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
   a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
   planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
   raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
   take the rubble left behind and make it new.




Be encouraged. Jesus loves you a lot.

Number 7

Sorry folks, it has taken a bit longer than expected to post my favourite things... but, I would like to finish it up sometime this year... :)

Number 7//




I love how the four of us know each other. It is 100% God. Blythe met Steph at Passion Conference randomly, Blythe knew Bollom from New Life Ranch, Blythe knew me from OSU...and then Blythe was kind enough to let me in on the friendship of her Aussie friends... I am grateful. We all got to hang out in Australia...and it was the best day.

number 9 and 8

NUMBER NINE//

these really cheap fake glasses at a discount market...



NUMBER 8// CHRISTMAS IN THE SUMMER!!! SO FUN. went to my favourite place on earth [the beach] with friends, and had an amazing time during the holidays. There were only a handful of us that stayed over the holidays as most people went home to be with their families. So, the group that stayed got pretty close. We went to the beach Christmas day. BUCKET LIST CHECK! And, it was just beautiful weather. My friend Nastassia and I made french toast for breakfast and smoothies... nothing like the amazing breakfast I am used to at home : ) We both decided to push through the disappointment that we couldn't be home, and went with it. And ended up having a ball. Who couldn't have fun at the beach?

my 10 most favourite moments in Australia. [in no particular order] : )

NUMBER 10...
Finding myself where I was at, at Manly beach.
I had recently arrived to Australia about a month earlier and was having a real homesick moment. I remember thinking when I got to the area that I would be staying in all year, “I didn’t sign up for this.” It was no where near the beach like I had anticipated. Sydney was a much bigger place than I had pictured in my mind... I decided to head off to Manly Beach to explore, and while my first choice is definitely to not be alone, I decided to venture off. I found myself boarding the bus, train and ferry by myself with only a backpack of belongings. I was literally pretty full of fear. So, I get to Manly beach and don’t know what to do. I have a semi freak out moment like, “what did I actually just do and why am I at this beach alone?” It was starting to get dark... so I made the decision to stay over night [because I hadn’t even seen the beach.] I was praying that God would kind of take me on an adventure, so when I walked up to a hotel right off the beach I figured it was all full for the night. But no, there was one room available for one person. I took it. I enjoyed a slice of pizza for dinner and then sat in my hotel room and prayed, and just let God love me, it was just me and God and I was writing in my journal and singing...and wow what a special night of God just speaking into my heart...Every unmet expectation that I had experienced over the past month, every unplanned moment, every planned moment, the good and the bad...

Such a monumental moment for me in Australia. I was finally able to get away and be in the quiet and I don’t think I’ve ever been quite the same since that moment. A very real moment of God saying, “I see you, I brought you here, I know you...I won’t leave you.”

Yeah.

even if to just write upon my heart; i know that you've come now.

Dearest Blog Readers,

well, it has been a whole entire year since I left for Australia.
what a full year it has been. Sometimes not even enough time in the day to get everything done... so, blogging has taken a back seat. Apologies.

so many things are different in me. in all the best ways possible.

I really believe that LIFE is only getting better from here.
so excited to see what is next on this journey of life.

I have learned such a valuable lesson of living life with no regrets.
I don't have to rush life, it just happens. God is never late...
I have learned the importance of being intentional, passionate, planning things out [massive step for me], goals, practicing, and spending time in the Word of God... it really is the only way we are going to make it out alive.
I used to get bogged down about what i should be doing, and not what i was actually doing...but, my focus has slowly shifted to just being satisfied with what my hands are doing in every season.


God isn't as interested about my comfort as much as he is interested in my character...

I still have these massive dreams that I can't seem to shake, but my conviction for the seasons and journey of my life is greater. God is building a home, a place that He is quite comfortable in... and there is still a world that needs to hear about WORSHIP and JUSTICE.

So I'm not done.
[Even though I have wanted to quit life more this year than ever in my life.]
God's not done.

As for the next season...

Not quite sure.
Exciting days ahead.

Thank you so much for all the prayers you have prayed over me this year. I took this massive faith step coming to a different country...and have felt supported every step of the way. I am so grateful for my family and friends who have had such an amazing impact on my life. I am forever indebted. At the end of the day everyone needs someone to believe in them... and I am so blessed to have people that believe in me. Please be praying for the next steps I need to make. And that the resources to make these decisions would be made known...

xoxo with my WHOLE heart,

Amanda Blackwell

it's your blood. that has claimed me.

a blog about some random thoughts on Easter 2011.

I am trying to remember exactly where I was this last week, last year... and where I am this year and where I was last year are a world apart [literally and metaphorically]... in every sense of the meaning of that phrase. my life is different.

Fighting back tears tonight while writing this in my beloved journal...and how different things look through these eyes these days.

There has been a massive shift take place.

I am just so astounded the God of the Universe made humans to be His best friend...and everything changed with a simple bite of free-will fruit. And ever since that moment in history there has been a great pursuit, starting through a chosen generation of [Israel], to right this wrong. For humans and God to dwell again together in right relationship. The Old Testament, historically a bit daunting and vague, actually declares that story of pursuit. The law was written so that God could once again dwell with people. He asked people to build a tabernacle in a desert so that God's presence could stay with them there... Ah, so poetic, so beautifully perfect, so full of symbolism and... grace. And the story goes on with testimony after testimony of provision and faithfulness. And then the New Testament came along and everything changed. God so loved the WORLD that He wanted to deal with this sin issue once and for all and instead of building another tabernacle for Himself to dwell in, He sent Himself in human form to dwell among people. He chose to come down onto the Earth.

Love: Personified. Jesus.

And so Jesus comes and teaches a new law. Not the law once valid in the desert, but a new law. The old was gone and the new had come. And Jesus was the new law, He was the new way to get to the Father. And just like blood sacrifices were the only proper atonement for sins in the desert [old testament], blood was the only proper atonement for sins on the cross [new testament]. But, it wasn't thought that everyone should perish, but have everlasting life...so LOVE took our place. Because God longed for a relationship with His people to be restored. My mind cannot comprehend it. I cannot hold it in, I am bursting... His blood and His body broken. The covenant redeemed between Christ by death on a cross. ONCE. AND. FOR. ALL.

And if Jesus had never rose again, we would have no hope of the Holy Spirit to DWELL in our hearts...To be in relationship with us.

The gospel effects everyone. The Bible is not some ordinary book- it has withstood the test of time, where other doctrines fail...it stays true. Jesus has withstood the test of time. People are still talking about Him today. I don't know many other people as old as Him that people are still talking about..

I want so badly to just sit and tell the ways that Jesus has been good to me. But, none compare with the act of love that was shown on the cross...And my only right response to this, is to ask [whoever may be reading this]... do you believe it for yourself this Easter 2011?

it's your blood. that has saved me.
it's your blood. that has claimed me.

Easter 2010: I believed that for myself.

Easter 2011...
I cannot contain it.
I cannot keep quiet anymore.
It isn't enough for me to believe.
Let the gospel advance.

JESUS.
IS.
ALIVE.

stepping out.

A song [ you will HAVE to forgive the guitar playing] for the ones we have lost. Scott Estes, a chord was struck in me when I read of your accident and story... and I felt like I couldn't keep quiet. Like, whoever needed to hear this song [ that I probably would have just kept to myself] needed to hear it. As a quiet exclamation that there is hope. I am now relieved to get it out. Until I did... I was feeling a bit restless. Then I thought of all the other people who are feeling hopeless...and how my voice today can sing over you what I feel the Holy Spirit wanted to breathe.

but, you will HAVE to forgive the guitar playing...
; )

I stand in VICTORY tonite...

I stand in victory tonight.

Facing a CT scan tomorrow afternoon to make sure that my neck discs were not broken or damaged in my accident.

I feel like all I have been thinking about, talking about, expressing is about my neck...

but I came to this very real realization today, and that is this:

I only get one neck.

Profound right?

But, also came to this realization as well. This freak accident that was so untimely and severely inconveniencing to me has hurt me emotionally and physically. I fully believe that the circumstance [really out of my control] was also a way for the enemy to come and try to dismantle me. A cunning way for him to say- “now you’ll stop”... and I think the worst way to respond, in any of the situation we face in life, is to say, “you are right.”

Like, we can’t let him win. he is too freakin’ stupid for that crap.

So while, I am still struggling to get my voice back/still living with crazy tight and strained neck muscles/still having persisting neck pains/still feeling the weight of the financial burden that may lie ahead of me...

I stand in victory tonight.

Right now, my first thought is that my health is of number one importance, so the road that I may need to walk could land me in a bit of a financial slump because this simply... was not planned with the funds that got me here to Australia...

Tonight, I ask that you pray for wisdom in the road to recovery and that God’s best would be shown. He knows me pretty well, so I’m cool with letting Him show me. And He knows that I only get one neck too... which makes me at peace. And He knows my future...

I may be thinking of creative ways to earn some money in the near future...and if you have any ideas. you just let me know...

Love,
Amanda

It isn't how I imagined, but even better.

There are so many things to talk about. I definitely am not at a loss for words... ; )
What to talk about?? I hope that my Christmas letter made it out to everyone that wanted one...if you didn’t get one, and are reading this and want one- then shoot me an email. ajb428@gmail.com

I have been really surprised of how accessible I have been while being away in a different country. I am on FB daily [sometimes to my detriment], and get to Skype regularly...also, I check my email a lot...so if you are feeling like you haven’t talked to me [if you even want to] then feel free to Skype me or Facebook me or whatever. Or if you want my address [hint hint...care packages] then message me. ; )
I would love to hear how you are weathering storms, going about daily life, and you could entertain me with your fun stories and jokes...

So, the second semester has started off with a bang. I think I was rudely awakened with the early alarm going off...and more than anything I have decided how much of a later morning person I am. 7 in the morning and I think God tells me, “it’s ok Amanda- go back to bed. Wake up in a couple more hours. The world will thank you.” I just love the laziness of a morning. Like, I literally need to wake up 3 hours earlier than my first class. So that I can: hit snooze for an hour, lay in bed for another 15 minutes, make breakfast s.l.o.w.l.y., make coffee which ends up being a 15 minute activity, normally cleaning up some mess I have made doing the two aforementioned activities, then it is finding something to wear, putting an outfit together, while checking the latest news/facebook, and then there is the need to start the day with some Word...and then there is the jewelry, the hair, the makeup, the teeth brushing...ending in me looking at the time//panicking and running out the door in a frenzy.

Oh to be able to order my world a bit better. It would take me getting up at 5 am right now to be able to be leisurely... 5 am, I cannot cope with you...

In other news... I had a great great great holiday [as the posh call it] and I got really used to the beach life. And secretly, I was made for it I think. But, trying to work out how full-time ministry, living at the beach and being able to see my family and friends on a regular basis would pan out... it. could. happen.

I had a little part time job during my 2 month break from school. Beautiful wonderful friends to spend it with. Time at the beach, soaking in the rays and getting bronzed. I spent NYE in front of the Sydney Harbour Bridge with the Opera House just a mere walk away...and the most incredible fireworks display I have ever seen. in. my. entire. life. I couldn’t help but cry and remember promises that God had spoken over me in 2010. And how scary, rocky, and worth the journey had been. And I was actually getting to see fireworks reflect off of the Sydney Opera House. Unreal. So, I cried...

And now it is February. I cannot begin to explain what God has done in me since July 2010. I am reminded of a picture that I took the day before I left Tulsa. It is the picture of my old TOMS and then my new pair next to it. A creative attempt at displaying the old and new. And yet, when I took that picture [testing out my new camera options] I never realized how perfectly it would fit into my life story. I have believed ever since the beginning that this year was going to be “my” year, that I would “find myself” and that I would “know what I am supposed to do with my life” and that I will have a “clearer direction” as to how I “fit into the big picture”...and I just imagine that God chuckled. In fact, if I was writing this story and added God’s reaction, it would be just that... “He chuckled to Himself.” I say this because, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO. But, God did. And. He chuckled.

In no better words, I felt like the moment I arrived in Sydney God grounded me. I felt like He sat me down and said, “I love you, but we need to talk.”

So, I did what every princess-angel-child does... I pouted.
and pouted some more. And found it unfair. And pouted some more.

After my temper-tantrum [that embarrassingly lasted like 3 months] ended, I realized that God was still there. Like, really there. Our little talk had lasted a few good months, as I wrestled back and forth with God about mindsets, sins, relationships. You name it, we talked. [SEE SIDE NOTE] And after some light-bulbs started to turn on, and after I began to [figuratively] sweep some floors in the rooms of my heart, I began to hear God just say, “This is what I brought you here for... This is it.” I brought you to Australia to sweep some floors. To rearrange some rooms. To build a deck. To remodel the basement of your heart.

Side note: in an attempt to be faithful with what is “in my hand”... the keyboard is right now, and I want to just say- if you are reading this in a far off and distant land, and are thinking that God has given up on you because of your distrust of Him...friend, He hasn’t. If you think God is smaller than the doubts you have about Him...I promise you He isn’t. And so I encourage you, beg of you, to just talk to God today. It is really what He wants more than anything, I think. An honest heart. Where-ever you are at. He can take your wrestling. Our journey is what makes Him God and us human...


God brought me from old [in whatever way that was for me] and literally planted new [and I dug my heels in to rebel]... all the while God knowing that this journey from old to new was worth it. That once the old was gone the new could come. That the rooms of my heart were looking outdated and they needed new decor...and it wouldn’t be how I imagined, but even better.

So finishing with two //the old is gone and the new has come// thoughts tonight:

It is about my character, not my comfort.
It gives me great hope tonight that sometimes God puts situations in our lives that are uncomfortable. For one purpose... TO BUILD CHARACTER. When I realize that life has mountains and it has valleys and in both God is refining me more for eternity, then somehow it is more bearable. And that is really what life is all about...

Know Jesus.
Like really know Him. It gives me so much peace that what I do doesn’t define who I am. That my worth is secured because Jesus loves me full stop. And that His love is enough. He doesn’t just like me for my voice and talents. Like He alone will be the only true satisfier of my life- everything else cannot be my God. Only He can. And all those questions that I thought I came to Australia to learn will be found in this one answer... Know Jesus. Yeah, that gives me hope.


And...I hope that this blog has filled you with hope tonight.
As you journey, and seek God- or maybe you are finding God right now. I am sure that He will never let you down. Even when you think He will [hence my little LONNNNNG talk with Him spanning months.] I am no one special. Maybe God wants to have a talk with you too...

Goodnight from a distant land
[where it is nearly 1 am and probably still 80 degrees.]

a thanksgiving story to reallllllly make me thankful...

so, my Thanksgiving this year in the land of oz didn’t consist of pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice lattes (oh yum), turkey, green bean casserole, or grandma’s FAMOUS stuffing (oh you gotttttta try it.) No, my Thanksgiving went like this...

I was jumping on a trampoline with three other college students at a school function (awesome afternoon at Brian and Bobbie Houston’s river front land.) I landed on the trampoline a bit funky with my neck towards the ground and my back half higher than my head...another person on the trampoline also landed on the trampoline at the same time I did. Their whole entire body weight happened to land on my neck. I immediately got up from the incident-holding my neck- freaking out- crying- disoriented-dizzy...

Immediately, I didn’t feel “right” so I told one of the pastors what had happened and the rest of the story goes like this...

“Well, Amanda- we don’t mess around with neck injuries- we need to get you to the ER.”

And... that is where I spent my Thanksgiving afternoon. In the ER getting xrays of my neck, spine, skull, vertebrae...

Definitely not part of the plan...

The good news is that ALL is good on the home front. No broken bones, no spinal cord anything related stuff...just lots of torn muscles and maybe some torn ligaments.

The bad news is that it takes time to heal. I am just completely and utterly ridiculously sore. And having to really take it easy.

But, this year (so ironic it happened on Thanksgiving) I have a) never been so traumatized by an accident and b) have never been so incredibly thankful that I can walk, talk, feel my fingers, feel my toes, have an incredible future that still awaits me and know the God who works everything out for my good.

Maybe one of the scariest things in my life thus far.
Definitely made me stop and think and wow.
It could have been so much worse. I am lucky. I am thankful.

Please continue to pray for me as I heal. Please pray that I would not have any lingering effects for long term.

Love you guys. So. So. So. So. Much.
Awww, I am going to cry now. Thank you for being my prayer warriors.

worship, pruning [prunes?], burned popcorn.

three key things have honestly changed my world and I hope can speak into your world today.

worship

I think I came to Australia expecting to learn how to be a better worship leader. Funny, because WHAT YOU DO DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. I am reminded of the journey that got me to Australia, and now, the very painful moments I have had here in Australia so far. I may sing, I may have incredible talent... but, if my life does not reflect the God I am worshipping it is all for nothing. I have been challenged in this time to truly seek Christ in every area of my life. He hems me in from behind and goes before me. I think I came to Australia with the expectation that my life would begin to look glamourous and beautiful and I realize that I must seek God more than riches and fame. More than anything else in this world, I must first choose Him- even in the small things. Even in the things that I think, “People aren’t going to see that...” Even in those moments. It literally changes everything to begin to walk in the Spirit more and more. I am finding myself more broken for injustice, more passionate for life, more hopeful for the hopeless. I have been challenged to continue to lay down my rights as a human. All of humanity was made for the glory of God. I want to be used by God with worship more than ever before. My calling has been confirmed over and over. Therefore, I am beginning to wholeheartedly and without relinquishing, pray for God to breathe songs into me. Songs that I am simply a vessel for. Pray that God would bless me with a guitar. Please pray with me. Please pray earnestly and believe with me. I am so grateful and ready...

prunes [pruning]

John 15: 4-8
"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me.
 5-8"I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.
I am taken back by this verse lately. I have accepted that God is pruning me. He is cutting back the branches that don’t bear fruit. He is building in me a solid foundation to stand on...forever. Not for a season, but forever. I think I will be candid and say that my faith, up until now, has been more than not like an ocean wave. Tossed back and forth. Gray areas, not black and white. Lukewarm. Undecided. “But God, just let me keep this habit or this idol...” Not to be cheesy, but the waves in my heart have stilled. My tree is being pruned. Places that bear much fruit are being grown and watered. Places that don’t bear fruit in my life are painfully being snipped. I have never been more sure that God has created me to be a lamp stand to a dark world, to be a vessel to help bring broken humanity back to God. My life must reflect the God I worship. Every area, not just the pieces I want to hand over.
so that is that... I hope that is ok for you.

burned popcorn

Honestly, I just made some popcorn and was anticipating how great of a snack it would be...and I opened it and it was burned. And I had a moment’s twinge of let down. And then I got all creative and imagined that the disappointments that I have met along the way so far are much like the burned popcorn [that I am still eating...] In the moment, burned popcorn seemed like a problem [ especially the smell], but in the long run...it isn’t a big deal. It is only a snack. In the long run...the good outweighs all the bad that I have faced over here so far. The bad has ended up not being a big deal. And the goods have been really good [if I could ever make unburned popcorn...] But, I wouldn’t take back anything that has been difficult here thus far... I truly believe I am being positioned to be a blessing to those people that I will encounter in my world. I believe that God is helping me overcome moments of “wanting to throw the towel in” for the future generations, for more people to rise up and declare Christ’s Lordship over their life, for my future husband that I could be the Godly woman He needs, for my future kids that I could be an awesome mom for them, for the songs that God will birth in my heart... burned popcorn, you have got nothing on me. ; )

well friends, that is my heart at this moment in time.

I pray that out of His glorious riches you would KNOW how wide and long and high and deep God’s love for you is today.
If you don’t love God today and you are reading this...man, just know that He loves you today.

Be Encouraged. [I promise to update more than every 2 months...I am even trying to catch up writing in my journal]

In Christ forever I'll stand...

I will believe

You are strong enough

in my weakness

God be lifted up

and I will sing

Lift your praises high

Lord be magnified

You make all things new.

I will believe.

long time in the making: i have never thought this hard about a blog entry...

Simply A Crossroads Confessional
It Starts with a Choice.


For a while now I have been restless. Not here in Australia, but everywhere. Life in general. My life has been at a crossroad of sorts. I think I can sum it up like this...

This crossroad is a more of a daily surrender. The Bible says, “Choose THIS day whom you are going to serve.” Everyday is a crossroad; a choice. Life or Death. Obedience or Sacrifice. Honor or Dishonor. Gentleness or Harshness. Encouragement or Arrows. Love or Intimidation. Self-control or Indulgence...

“either this way or that, there really isn’t another option, darling.” I have been hearing these words echo in my soul. The truth is, I have been in a war for my life. Not a war for picking a career- though very real because, some people are CLEARLY called to be nurses and doctors, teachers, administrators, managers, engineers, dolphin trainers...? and then there are the rest of us who just simply don’t fit in. Who are simply, wandering around dreaming these big dreams and almost feel bad for not knowing how to have a valuable career or fit in to an acceptable mold for society. This war has been for keeping light inside me. A war for not losing saltiness. A war for not compromising and settling. A war against flesh. I find great hope that even from the start of Creation... God has been in the business of drawing people to Himself. His beloved creation. His chosen people. His heart broken for their choices. His love to send Jesus for reconciliation. As Jesus walked the Earth and told these stories that immediately went deeper than surface level friendships. These stories that captured people and then set them free.
Whether it be Israel. Whether it be me. Whether it be you.

His love story has been written over humanity.

And I have a CHOICE.
And You have a CHOICE.
the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.

Jesus said to them, "Come with me. I'll make a new kind of fisherman out of you. I'll show you how to catch men and women instead of perch and bass." They didn't ask questions, but simply dropped their nets and followed.
I love that the first thing Jesus said was “come with me.” Be with me. Choose me. Turn this way. And then, I will make you fishers of men. Then, I will change your life. But come as you are and we can deal with all your stuff...
You see, it doesn’t matter how overwhelming our dreams look like from human eyes. With God, they are greater. With God the ordinary becomes unordinary. And He calls ordinary people. And He has called You and me. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. The harvest is plentiful... He dreams bigger dreams for you than your heart knows capable. And He misses you more than You can grasp when you are turned another direction. And the real truth is that apart from Him there is no good in any of us. So, whatever it is you are called to.. whatever I am called to... remember today that Jesus can change your life if you just go with Him. He will make you fishers of people. Souls to touch that only YOU can touch. I am ready for unordinary living. I was ruined for the ordinary a long time ago. And this crossroad... I choose Jesus. I am praying whoever is reading this today will choose Him too.

new blog being written...
new blog to come soon.

good to get a vent out.

I don't know if those of you who have moved continents can agree with this, but moving allows/makes you open your eyes really wide. I think you could see my heart in my eyes right now, they are opened that wide. I understand moving allows you to meet people from all walks of life- richer and poorer, younger and older, more mature and less... and I have experienced all of this in the past month..?... (have I been gone that long?? wow.)

At the risk of using my blog for a vent session tonight...

This adventure is going to get really fun soon. I am so hopeful. It has been more hard than fun so far.
Hard things are normally the best, though (In all my years of wisdom... ha.)

I love Hillsong's heart so much. To build the church. To love people. To enable and equip.

So here might be the vent...

complaining, whining, unsatisfaction, disappointment, disenchantment, self-pity, self-righteousness, the love of attention, having to get your way, talking about yourself all the time... did I mention whining?
Oh I am guilty some of the time (for sure, not pointing fingers) but
I can't seem to get away from it when I am at home, when I am at the church, when I am at the grocery store, when I am by myself...
I like the people I live with now.
I like the people I have lived with before.
I love my friends so much.
I love my family so much.
I love my church.

And then I realize we are all only human.
And we are all learning.
Everyday.
Learning to be different.
Learning how to survive and dream and live and be and act with what God has given us.

And God gives us great grace, but I don't simply want to walk away from this burden and frustration tonight the same. I am learning we can only be responsible for ourselves. We can only have control over our response to situations.

So, I am pondering all I heard today... the constant whining... an engagement ring that needs to be bigger, not making enough money, my hair doesn't look good today, my makeup, my clothes, my body, i am so huuuuuuuuuuuunnnnngry, i am so thiiiiiirrrrrsttty, "well this is what I wants", that is too cheap, this is too much, he isn't cute enough, i don't have any friends, the bus not coming at the right time (this was my complaint), "why can't we do what I want to do's?" (this was also my complaint...) = )

there are people without clean water in this world tonight.



check out this blog to hear about people getting water for the first time...

there are little people who are fighting for their lives with cancer tonight.

I don't know these two families, but through the grapevine, I have happened onto their sites.
LETS PRAY FOR HEALING!

pray for kate

pray for daisy

there are people, who literally don't know the next time they will eat in this world tonight.
there are little people who are becoming victims of human trafficking tonight.

So, I am still pondering...
Oh if we could look beyond ourself and realize...
Without justice there is no worship. they work together.
You cannot have one without the other.


I don't deserve to whine and complain. (sorry mom and daddy for all the many many many years...)
And whoever you are, reading this tonight, You don't either.

Because, lets be honest---lets just pray, lets just give of our time, lets be generous, lets be doers and not only hearers, lets work together for justice, lets realize how blessed we are, lets speak those things out regularly, lets be grateful, lets thank God.

And lets stop the whining.
Ok, thanks.

Ending vent.

Guys what is the next step in this ponder? Ideas are being accepted!

just dance. it'll be ok...

random thought tonight:

we should all stop taking ourselves so seriously.

seriously...

at the risk of really embarrassing myself and in attempt to stop taking myself all too seriously...



hope this makes you laugh.
when i had a face plant fall in front of the church the other day i was laughing too...
and so was God...

just dance. it'll be ok.

video updayyyyte.

be home. and be all there.

Hi!
I have started school.
I am getting so pumped up.

We have had our first couple of days of "intensives."
What are those, you ask?
INTENSE.

But in all honesty...
Jesus has changed my life. Well, He already did. But He did it again. And if these past two days were the ONLY reason that I am here in Sydney, Australia at Hillsong Church (I am definitely believing this is not only the reason haha...) (that would have been a really expensive trip...) I could honestly walk away from them and be a better young woman, friend, daughter, helper, server, employee, future wife, future mom....
And if this is only the beginning...
I am set up for a WIN.

And this, friends, is only the beginning...

answers to prayers

this is the first day that i have felt as if this was "home"...

good emotions.
feeling prayers for me today.
so grateful.
and expectant.